call HIM

Do you ever get the overwhelming feeling that life isn't the way you had planned for it to be.

I'm there.

But the Lord is faithful to who He called and named you.

He reminded me this week that I am courageous and capable. So much of my thoughts lately have been driven by fear and the feelings of insufficiency, but those are lies not worth listening to.

I am courageous and capable.

Not because I'm acting like it, but because that is who God says I am.

"On the day I called, you answered me; my strength of soul you increased." Psalm 138:3

I've never felt the Lord like I have lately. In moments of defeat I have called out and He has answered with love, strength, and the push to move forward. I'm so grateful I have learned the lesson to call on Him. It is in my weakness I have finally seen His strength.

Call Him. No one else.

I'm a Pusher

Today I was called a pusher. I’m sure others have been thinking it ever since Zachary and I started to sell Advocare, but this man was just brave enough to say it out loud. The funny thing is he doesn’t even have a day to day relationship with me, nor did I try to sell him anything. I simply said I was delivering some spark to a friend.  I’m not offended, because I know the truth, but I do want to address the thought.

You see up until about 2 years ago I probably would have thought the same thing. (I’m not brave enough to speak that out loud to someone though)  Maybe you couldn’t tell from the outside that I was dying, but I was a miserable person. I had spent my college years and the short years after college chasing what I thought I wanted for myself, and what other people around me defined as success. I had landed myself close to my dream job, but it was anything but a dream. It was everything I thought I would love, but I cried every Sunday because I knew what Monday was about to bring. When I found out I was pregnant, after much prayer, I knew that God was telling me to lay down my pride, make some sacrifices, and quit.  

We could not afford for me to quit, but we trusted that God was asking me to and would provide for our family. The 2 years since that decision have not been easy. But for the first time since high school I can say that I seek the Lord when I make decisions, I listen and wait for His answers before I move, and when He asks me to do something, I do it.  Has it been easy? Absolutely not!! But for the first time in my life I actually depend on the Lord, for everything. We are in a place often that if He doesn’t come through for us, we are sunk. He always comes through!

So when Advocare came into our lives God had humbled me enough, and opened my heart up for a change. I had been listening to His truth instead of the Devil’s lie. I had heard him tell me that I was worth it, that good things can happen in my life too, and that I was meant to change people’s lives just as he had told me so long ago. I started believing again that he had predestined many lives in my path that He would use me to change, but I had to say yes. It was clear that Advocare was the boat he sent my way, and I needed to start rowing it toward Him. Is it something I would have thought I would ever do? Is it something I ever wanted to do? No. I didn’t get a Master’s degree in Educational Leadership to push vitamins.

But here is the deal.

I don’t push vitamins.
I push hope.
I look for people who want a change. Whether it be in their weight, their health, their energy, their finances, or my favorite ALL OF THE ABOVE. And then I help them.

Too many people judge. They sit at home wishing things were different and making fun of those people that are out trying to make things different. I know because I was one of those people. I’m not anymore. I finally don’t care what others think of me, other than the God that I serve, and I know that He has called me to help.

Now, don’t get all upset and assume that I am saying if you don’t do direct sales that you aren’t listening to God. I’m not. It is definitely not for everyone, I understand that. However, I am asking you to not assume that you know the intentions of everyone in direct sales. I have met some amazing people who dreamed of what their life could be, and instead of just dreaming, they believed God when He said He planned good for them, and they went out and chased it for themselves and others.

I want to be a part of that. I want to surround myself with those types of people.

a doctor's advice

http://tatertotsandteacups.blogspot.com/2010/12/happiness-project.html

so i will admit, i love my doctor. i know it sounds weird. i have always hated going to the doctor, but this guy is so intriguing to me. he is extrememly awkward at times, and very blunt, but those are the things i love. he has a facebook page and today he posted an article, so of course, being that i love him, i read it.

and God delivers tokens of wisdom in the randomest ways

i have been having my quiet times with the Lord in the mornings very consistently lately and i've been having the conversation with Him over and over again how i just want to hear His voice and i feel as though i'm deaf to His word. i have felt like lately i am so bad at spending time with Him. i have kept at it though in hopes that i would hear the still small voice again. and i love how he delivers reassurance that He is there, He is listening, and i, no matter how tired, or defeated, or bad i feel that i'm doing, i need to keep pushing. below is a little of the article that spoke to me the most.

the writer is Gretchen Rubin
you can find the article on her blog
"the Happiness Project"

"Realize that anything worth doing is worth doing badly."
"Challenge and novelty are key elements of happiness. The brain is stimulated by surprise, and successfully dealing with an unexpected situation gives a powerful sense of satisfaction. People who do new things — learn a game, travel to unfamiliar places — are happier than people who stick to familiar activities that they already do well.

I often remind myself to “Enjoy the fun of failure”

and tackle some daunting goal."

thanks friend.

so i know, i fell off the blog earth for a while. one thing you should know about me is that i have always been an all or nothing type girl. i either do something all the way, or i don't want to do it at all. so that is why blogging and i have a love hate relationship. i love doing it and it makes me feel better, but i often don't make it a priority when things get crazy in my life. so then when i didn't do it for a little while, i thought to myself, i'm not doing good at this, and then i just stopped. i know my reasoning is dumb.

i have been trying to break the all or nothing habit for years now. in some ways it serves me well, but in other situations it leads to my destruction. it causes me to give up on alot of things in my life that i should keep pursuing.

so why am i back?

a friend told me she missed my blog. i haven't always been the greatest of friends to this girl so i thought i owed her another shot, and a better one at that. thanks for the encouragement, and for letting me realize that even though i might not be the best at blogging, you enjoyed it. and that is what it should be for me, enjoying, not a competition to be my best.

dang you competitive self.

sorry for the delay

so i took some days off. last week was harder than i thought it would be. it was the second week of Zachary's new shift and us not seeing eachother. i thought the second week would be easier, it was harder. i made it through it though and we had a good weekend in tulsa with family. i took today off so we could spend some much needed alone time together before he went to work at 3pm.

even though this adjustment is hard, it has been really good for our relationship. we are much more intentional with our time, and it is forcing both of us to really learn how to love eachother better. we have been getting more creative and putting more effort into our relationship and it has really been fun.

it involves napkins

so last nights project cannot be revealed until next week. 

 it is a gift for my soon to be new nephew jacob,

and his mother will not see it until her shower this weekend.

she reads the blog so i cannot show it on here yet,

so stay tuned until next tuesday's tutorial for not 1, 

but 2 tutorials on how to make cute things for little babies rooms.

clue: it involves napkins.

lessons at Cafe Brazil

sunday morning (we go to church on saturday nights so we are not skipping church for those of you who are judging) zachary and i went to take my dad's car to my little sister in dallas and we went to a late breakfast at cafe brazil, really good food and bottomless coffee that is delicious. it was so crowded too!

because it was crowded it was easy to over hear conversations, and i'm the worst at that. i noticed a girl 2 tables over crying and as usual i started to get curious and wondered why she would be so sad and i felt bad for her. the lady at the table next to her started consoling her and talking to her and her dad. this woman continued to talk with this girl for about 30 more minutes and before she left she hugged the girl and her dad. i was amazed by her thoughtfulness and how much she cared for this stranger.

i often feel compassion for people quietly and conveniently continue about my way. this lady actually showed compassion instead of just feeling it. she really made me think about my actions. i have so many opportunities to love people, even if they are strangers. next time, hopefully i won't just feel it.

flAshbAck fridAys: may 21st, 2003

in the summer of 2003 i went on a road trip with my BFF mel panell.

this was a 2 day road trip that lasted around 8 days.

 it was full of secrets we will take to the grave with us.

this trip proved to us we needed to set some ground

rules for our friendship, and today for

fridAy's flaAhbAck

i will include them, not all of them,

some will remain treasures only my BFF and i know.

1. do not shoot each other with water guns.

2. do not study for finals together

3. DO NOT USE YOUR BFF!! or "owe them".

4. make your squinty eyed bff cry while she's driving it blurs her vision, and tell your bff when it's the last   bathroom for 30 minutes.

5. don't let your squinty eyed bff drive in the mountains.

6. do NOT take your bff up a mountain if you don't know how to get back down! when riding the slick down to the big one, don't use your bff as the "big one".

18. when playing monopoly, make financial decisions benefiting your bff not your bf.

19. don't laugh at your bff's problems.

15. don't allow your bff to date a new mexican.

9. as a bff, you must love who your bff loves and hate who your bff hates...keep it in the family.

10. what happens in the 505 stays in the 505.

11. no bff road trips without Martina.

13. no dance parties outside the perimeter of a bff's vehichle.

16. when a banana is thrown from a moving vehicle at your bff do whatever it takes to shield your bff and take the hit.

17. when your bff is stopped by a sheriff do not use your name belt as identification.

21. you do not sleep in the passenger seat while your bff is driving.

24. make life a little more complicated if it means one more night with your bff.

25. no bff shall ever deny anyone the right to be creative.

27. let the Jesus stop you when he needs to.

834. remind your bff daily that she is HOT.

BFF MOTTO: make memories, not grades!

i did it!

i ran a mile.

on the car ride home today from work i just couldn't stop thinking about how i wanted to be a runner again. in the middle of my self pity i heard this annoyed voice inside of me (i think it was God) say,

"well then, stop whining and do it!"

i think my parents might have said that to me before too.

so in my pimp car i decided to run. i told myself that when i got home i would immediately put on my running shoes and sweats, hit the track at the nearest school, and just do it. i told myself i would not stop running until i ran a full mile--NO STOPPING!!

so i did. i wanted to stop so bad 4 different times.

the 1st lap, the 2nd lap, the 3rd lap, and the 4th lap,

but i didn't.

God orchestrated the perfect shuffle on my ipod too!

it started with

Need to Breath-Washed by the Water

in this song God said,

 forget your past, forget how heavy you are, forget all those times you have tried and failed.

you are covered in me and you can do this.

the next song was

Eli Young Band-Guinevere

I LOVE THIS SONG!

so that helped me take my mind off the pain.

it also made me smile because it says in the song "as much as she's running she's still here."

and i felt like i wasn't moving too fast at this point.

and the last song was

the Rocket Summer-Walls

God helped me break down my walls today.

the walls of thought that have been tearing me down

telling myself you can't do this

you're too fat,

you're too out of shape,your knees hurt,

you will never be an athlete again.

today, i broke through some of those walls.

i'm sure they will appear again, but when they do

i can look here and remember

the day they fell down.

after this life changing run i had a few side effects--

BEWARE: this could be gross.

but if you are feeling like running a mile

and you are really out of shape.

you deserve to hear these things.

1. it is good to have music so you can't hear how hard you are breathing. 
2. i could not stop spitting for about 15 minutes after the run.
3. an hour and a half after the run my face was still bright red.
4. my teeth hurt. i always thought this was an expression, but it's not. they really hurt.
5. and i am embarrassed to say i almost vomited. probably because one of my favorite students brought me a bubble tea at work and i drank it about an hour before this run.

but good news, one symptom i did not have was hurting knees. they still don't hurt!

thank you Jesus.

i am so proud of myself.

i wish i was running

((picture source))

lately i have been wanting to run so bad. i have tried a couple of times on my walks and it just makes my knees ache. i used to love to run, i was somewhat addicted, i loved the feeling it gave me after accomplishing a long run. i don't remember why i stopped. probably because i got too busy and i thought something else was more important, but i realize now that it is not. running made me proud of myself. it was something i could do at anytime, anywhere, and by myself. i miss it terribly. so i am going to save my little monies for these here shoes, and i'm going to run. (i'm hoping these shoes will make my knees not hurt)

what is it that you have stopped doing that you want to start again?

meet zachary

this is my ruggedly, handsome, goofy, manly husband. today i miss him. he started working the 2nd shift at his amazing new job february 14th and it has taken some getting used to.

we have been married since January 17th, 2009 and spent most of that time around each other all the time because our jobs (or lack there of) permitted it.

he makes me laugh, even when i don't want to, he makes me think twice about making sporadic crazy decisions, he keeps me grounded but lets me dream, and he makes sure i relax.

we are not the perfect couple but we are learning to grow everyday. we try our best to choose to love, choose to speak up when we are mad, choose each other over ourselves, and choose to include each other in our lives. we don't always succeed but we are learning that marriage is a journey that never ends or gets easier, but the more work we put into it the result is always sweeter.

i love love me some zachary

free extra info: i recently started reading today's letters and got a great idea to help zachary and i to "creatively communicate" around our different work schedules. We have created a  "traveling journal" it's been fun! zachary is not much of a writer but his letters to me our hilarious, and it means the world to me that he tries.

sorry for the late post, i wrote this last night and meant to post this morning, but i got busy at work and forgot to hit the publish post button. oops.

tuesday's tutorials

i made this t-shirt scarf last night in the time it took for me to indulge in my trashy habit of watching the bachelor. (i love that show) i forgot to save the pictures of the steps so i just have a picture of the finished product, but to get step by step instructions visit kevin and amanda. i made mine out of some of my favorite colors, my next one will be OSU colors. i love this project because we all have too many t-shirts and recycling those makes this scarf free. next tuesday i will not lose the step by step instructions.

a 3 point smile

on friday i went to the sanger high school girl's playoff game. my dad's their coach and when i get a chance i try to make it to his games. every time i go about an hour before the game i start getting knots in my stomach. i get so nervous! i don't know any of the girls personally but i want the best for them because i know how much my dad cares for them.

no one scored for most of the first quarter and you could tell the excitement of their first playoff game of the season was getting to them. towards the end of the quarter sanger scored several points in a row and made the other team's coach call a time out. the sanger girls came running to the huddle with smiles on their faces and a huge cheer from the crowd. i got a little teary eyed for a second, partly because of my nerves, and partly because i knew exactly what they were feeling, and o how i miss it. there is nothing like it. they knew they had a long way to go, the game wasn't over, but they had seen the glimpse of what they could do, and they chose to celebrate.

it is easy for us to get caught up in the world of trying to succeed, being the best, and always winning, but i would urge you to just take it one moment at a time and enjoy those small victories in between. embrace those victories to push you to the next. be thankful for those around you that pushed you along the way.

the sanger lady indians won friday night, and have a big game coming up on tuesday, but i believe they can win, one small victory at a time.

i believe we all win everyday, we are the ones to choose how we celebrate.

what do you need to celebrate today?

my first special appearance

fridAy flAshbAcks: july 28th, 2002

"every single one of us is hanging on to something and if it's not God your hanging on by a thread." -Beth Moore

Father i pray now that whatever i'm hanging on to that i drop it. i can't exactly pin point it, but i know it's something. i know i haven't completely let go of all my threads and fallen into your arms. i pray that i will.

the new look

zachary started his new job january 31st, and for a valentine's present they switched him to second shift on valentine's day. this means that he works from 3:00pm to 11:30pm, and just in case you're wondering i work from 8:30am to 5:30pm...this doesn't make for much time together.


so in an effort to keep myself occupied and not lonely the first week of this big change i decided to learn more about the world of blog design. at first i doubted myself, but then i found this here website. it's amazing and addicting. they will even advertise your blog for you for free. they also showed me how to make these pics below for free!

kudos to the BLOG GUIDEBOOK, i appreciate your guidance.

change of plans...

this was previously posted October 16th, 2009 on a different blog that i no longer have access to, and re-posted here.


so about that last post....Zachary quit his job 3 days later after 3 days of pleading from me. it was HORRID! i won't go into details, but if you care to know just call and ask zachary how many lawns he mowed in just 2 days, i would guess to say that it is more than 10 people combined have mowed in a year.

things since then have taken an up turn. still no job, but God i believe is changing both of our hearts through this process. i'm learning not to worry, and zachary is learning to search for God's plan. we have gotten more involved in our church also and we are loving it! you can check out their website and get more of a glimpse into our lives. www.thecommunityatlakeridge.com. we love our church family and have really found a home there. one of the pluses about zachary not having a job is that he also gets to serve out at the church property on wednesday's just fixing thing and being their handyman.

my main reason for posting today though is for a prayer request. i have been literally aching lately because i know that something big is in store for us and that God is asking us to take a risk. i've been searching and checking out a ton of books from the library and just praying to figure out what it is. and i believe that while laying awake last night, after making the mistake of drinking coffee 30 minutes before i went to bed, God revealed some of that vision to me, and i know this because zachary was actually excited about one of my off the wall dreams this time! i'm not going to say just what quite yet, i dont' want to sound crazy to anyone other than my husband, but just pray that zachary and i keep searching for the Lord, and that he keeps revealing his plan for our lives.

who doesn't like a bobble head....

This was posted on August 14th, 2009 and posted on a different blog that i don't have access to so i re-posted it here for consistency's sake...


my new goal in life is to be more balanced. not a little bit more balanced, but BALANCED. i am so terribly bad at it. i am starting to see signs of being older and i have realized that i have never been good at taking care of myself. i am way too serious about everything and i tend to forget about my own needs. i realize that i unfortunately don't laugh enough. even though i am happy, love my life, and have a pretty funny husband, i am still always pushing to be better and tend to not take time to just relax and laugh. i know that in the end this kind of behavior will break me, and so i have made it an intention to laugh more everyday.

this week i laughed harder than i have in a long time. zachary and I were visiting with our best buds the pickrel's and my new God son david allen on tuesday. catherine was holding David on her chest and we were all laughing at something and david's head would not stop bouncing around. he looked just like a bobble head, which in turn made us laugh even more. it made me feel like we were a bunch of kids just playing with a baby. laughing made me feel so young.

it was a great first memory to have with david on his first day in this world, and i hope that it is a precursor of a life filled with laughter. i love you little david, and i will pray this for you always.

laughing is not just for kids though. i see that it is what is lacking most in adults.

He will fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. Job 8:21

Well here we go...

This was previously written on Tuesday, March 17th 2009 on a different blog that I can no longer access and posted again today...

we are currently job searching and just praying for the Lord's guidance. we are praying that we do the right thing; however, sometimes we find it hard to know what the "right" thing is. i have always believed that if you truly want to serve the Lord and you are looking for his presence in your life, ultimately you will end up in the right place...so here's to hoping my philosophy is right. we both sometimes feel that God is going to ask us to do something BIG someday, and we both hope that we will have the courage and the skills to answer the call, or even hear it for that matter.

for all of our friends and family in tough spots right now we pray that you too can find the peace to hear the Lord, and the courage to do what the Lord asks.

"I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently." Donald Miller-Through Painted Deserts